Words of Condolence Letter for a Friend’s Cousin

Dear Fred,

I was really sorry to hear about your cousin Jack. While I didn’t have the chance to get to know him well, the few times that I met him he was really nice to me. My lasting impression of Jack is that he was truly a good guy. I realize that you and he were very close, so please accept my deepest condolences.

I always remember you telling me about when you and your cousins spent your summer holidays together at your Grandma’s lake house. Hearing about all the fun you had made me wish I had been there with you. I know you and Jack, being the closest in age, spent a lot of time together during those days and that you became just like brothers. I feel terrible that I can’t be there with you to support you at this time, but remember I’m just a phone call away. I’ll be calling you to check up on you as well.

Please let the rest of your family know that I’m thinking of you all that my prayers are with you. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you again sometime towards the end of the year. Until then my friend, please accept my sincerest sympathies.

Your Friend,

Dave

1. Keep your letter short but still thoughtful.
2. Try to mention a fond memory of the deceased if you have one.
3. Be respectful of religious beliefs. Keep in mind that everyone deserves sympathy, regardless of what they may or may not believe.
4. Sign with a full name (first and surname). This is good etiquette as there could be relatives or friends that have the same first name as you.
5. Do not offer financial help.
6. Don’t mention money that the deceased may have owed to you or anyone else. Financial matters can be dealt with after the grieving period has passed.
7. Offer to help in practical ways such as helping with chores or preparing food.

Letters of sympathy and condolences are very personal and the language of your greeting should reflect that. When addressing your intended recipient, remember that your greeting should always include the name of the person you are writing your letter to. Keep in mind that the specific nature of your relationship with the bereaved will help you to determine the exact phrasing that should be used. Here are some sample suggestions for your greeting:

Dear ________,
My Dear Friend _________,
Dearest __________,
Dear Mrs. __________,
Dear Ms. __________,
Dear Mr. __________,
Dear __________ Family,

Choosing how to start your condolence letter for a friend’s cousin can be the most difficult part. Indeed, finding the first words of your condolence letter is a challenging task. Just remember that when you write from your heart your letter will genuinely reflect both your feelings of sympathy and the nature of your relationship with the bereaved.

In our letter we began with:

I was really sorry to hear about your cousin Jack. While I didn’t have the chance to get to know him well, the few times that I met him he was really nice to me. My lasting impression of Jack is that he was truly a good guy. I realize that you and he were very close, so please accept my deepest condolences.

Other appropriate opening sentiments include:

My deepest sympathies to you. I am so sorry to hear of the passing of dear _____. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I was shocked and saddened to hear the news of your loss. You have my condolences.

My deepest condolences on the loss of your cousin _______. May your hearts be filled with the wonderful memories of joyful times you spent together as you celebrate a life well lived.

We are saddened to hear the news about your cousin. Please know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of our entire family.

Words will never express how sorry I am to hear about the passing of ______. I will keep you and your family in my prayers during this difficult time.

My heart is filled with sadness for your loss. May your beautiful memories sustain and bring comfort to you during this unhappy season.

I want to extend to you my deepest condolences. My prayers and thoughts are with you during this time.

It is difficult to find the right words to express your sorrow when writing words of condolence letters for a friend who has lost a family member. You might even feel afraid to say the wrong thing. However, as our sample letter demonstrates, mentioning a fond memory of the deceased and calling them by name can provide a measure of comfort to the bereaved. Here are some samples to give you ideas for your own letter:

• I remember your cousin fondly as someone who always had a kind word for everyone he encountered. Growing up, we spent many hours working together behind the counter at the local deli. He was a hard worker and made those long shifts fun for all of us. We will never forget his great smile.
• I am so saddened to hear of ______’s passing. He was a truly beautiful person and I will miss his unique sense of humor. He will be loved and missed by all who knew him.
• From all you have told me of him, your cousin ______ seemed like such an extraordinary person. Though I never had the chance to meet him, I will always laugh when I think about all of the funny scrapes the two of you got into together. I had always hoped to meet him and will always regret that I didn’t have the chance. You are in my prayers and I wish you and your family the best.
• _______ was always there for me whenever I needed him. As both a neighbor and a friend, he was unsurpassed. He always had a smile on his face and was a blessing to be around. I am grateful to have known him and send you my deepest condolences.
• _______ was one of the most intelligent men I have ever known. He wasn’t afraid to ask the difficult questions of life, and he inspired others to do the same. May the memories of his bright spirit strengthen and surround you in this difficult time.
• I was saddened to learn of _____’s passing. When I first met you and _____, I was going through a really rough time. When he invited me to your extended family vacation at the beach house, it turned out to be the best summer of my entire life. I will miss him deeply; my prayers are with you.

Some appropriate ways to offer help include:

• I’ll drop off a bunch of meals that you can just keep in the freezer. That way you can thaw them out and heat them up whenever you may need them.
• I noticed there are a few things that need doing around the house. After the funeral, I’ll get a team together and we can get them done.
• After losing ______ I started attending the weekly support meeting held at our church. I'll call you before the next one in case you would want to join me.
• On _____ I’m going shopping at ______. I will call you first to see if there is anything you need.
• I have _____ off from work, so if you are free I will pick you up so we can go on a walk together at a time that suits you.
• Don’t worry about your yard. We will get together a team to take care of your yard work and any other tasks you need assistance with.

We closed our sample letter with:

Please let the rest of your family know that I’m thinking of you all that my prayers are with you. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you again sometime towards the end of the year. Until then my friend, please accept my sincerest sympathies.

The closing statement is perhaps one of the most important parts of any condolence letter. It is your last opportunity within the letter to offer your sympathies. Try to end your letter in a comforting way. Other appropriate phrases to use in a words of condolence letter for a friend’s cousin are:

• With hope that it helps you to know we care.
• With prayers for strength to face these challenging days..
• With warm and heartfelt sympathy.
• With all of our blessings, love and prayers.
• Please know you are not alone.
• Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
• With our deepest and heartfelt condolences.

Be sure to avoid these common spelling mistakes if substituting any of your own words for those in our sample words of condolence letters for a friend’s cousin. Remember to check your letter for spelling mistakes prior to mailing. Here are some of the most common spelling errors:

• Condolense
• Condolesens
• Simpathy
• Simpothy
• Simpathie
• Simpothies
• Simpothie
• Preyers
• Blesing

You can send a text, email, or social media condolence message instead of the more traditional letter. Your message should still include all of the same kinds of sentiments that you would put in a traditional letter. Often the format of a text or social media message will restricts you to a certain length of message. As such, it is perfectly fine to make your message shorter when sending a condolence message for a friend’s cousin via text or social media. Here are sample ideas that you can use for your message:

Please know that you are in my thoughts. Words can’t express how sorry I am for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I just heard the news about ______. Please accept my sympathies; you are in my prayers.

I’m sorry for your terrible loss. May your warmest memories of ______ surround you in this difficult time.

We are so sorry to hear of the passing of dear ______. You have our condolences.

You can send one of these short messages immediately to provide comfort and sympathy. You can send a traditional words of condolence letter for your friend’s cousin later, when you feel it is appropriate.

You can also send flowers or another type of condolence gift to the family of the deceased. You will want to include a condolence card along with your flowers or gift, but may find yourself at a loss for what to write in the card. A simple phrase offering condolences is often best. You can use any of the following words of sympathy:

• May these flowers serve as a token of my sympathy for you.
• May these flowers say what our words never will.
• May this gift remind you of my thoughts and prayers for you.
• May these flowers show you just how much we care.
• Please know that you are in our prayers.
• Please know that we are always here for you.
• With prayers and love for your entire family.
• With condolences and love for you and your family.

“We should feel sorrow, but not sink under its oppression.” Confucius

“Tears are the silent language of grief.” Voltaire

“Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I will remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don’t remember me at all.” Laura Ingalls Wilder