Planning a Funeral for a Friend

So long, Farewell, my favored friend.
Until that time we meet again
And if perhaps, I see you not,
Your laughter will not be forgot
So long, Farewell, my cherished friend

The sentiments conveyed by the poem above are hopefully those which we would all feel, or have felt, upon the death of a friend. The death of anyone close to us can be a traumatic happening, especially to close family members. It may be that planning the funeral of their loved one may be too emotionally difficult for relatives to handle, and devoted friends are sometimes asked to assist in making the arrangements. Although planning a funeral for a cherished companion can be emotionally gratifying and help you to honorably remember the deceased, it’s not always easy to please everyone.

Unfortunately some relatives may nit-pick and find fault with what you do. It’s advisable to remember that many people act out of character when stricken with grief, and fortitude and strength of your own temperament is important to maintain. The following article will discuss some of the intricacies peculiar to planning a funeral for a friend so that you may avoid some of what are the most common pitfalls. No matter what, you are performing a worthy service, and most family members will fully appreciate your efforts and the love you are showing in doing so.

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Prepare Your Funeral Service with Sentiment and Spirit

If the ceremony you plan recognizes the feelings of the family and the spirit of the deceased, it is difficult to go wrong. The funeral ceremony is for the deceased, and a service which recognizes their personality and values should be the goal of anyone planning it, and the wish of any attendees. When considering what you'd like to achieve with the planning aspect of the funeral, the best place to start is by making a broad outline to which you can later add specifics. There are both organic and practical aspects to consider, which need to be combined appropriately for the best result. Some major considerations regarding the planning of the ceremony should be:

• Giving comfort to the bereaved and providing them the opportunity to consider and communicate their loss among each other
• Recognize and show appreciation for the life of the deceased and honor them accordingly
• Impart hope to the bereaved and provide inspiration for them to recommence their lives knowing that there has been an irreversible change

Your Relationship with the Family

If you've been asked to plan, or assist in planning the funeral of a friend, you obviously already have a close relationship with their family. But different family members will have different views as to what is fitting and what is not. The general opinions of family and friends might also contrast, so maintaining a healthy relationship can be somewhat precarious in such a situation. The family may disagree with some of the suggestions you may have regarding the service. When views are divided, try your best to minimize any hurt feeling by considering who will suffer the most in the long run. Could it be an estranged sibling, parent who might have had a complicated emotional relationship with the deceased, or the group of friends with whom they had socialized with for the past several years?

The best approach is to let the family know what your plans are before making any concrete arrangements, and seek their input if they're open to contributing it.

Final Thoughts

Today's society sees many families estranged through the pursuit of professional careers and other environmental and social factors. Unfortunately, little attention is sometimes given to these situations until times of illness or death, and then deep-seated differences and points of view may emerge. If you're having difficulty pleasing some members of the family, or even other friends, an alternative course of action could be to appoint a mediator; possibly one of the executors, a funeral advisor, or an older friend of the family. Always remember, you can't please all the people all the time, but if your planning is done with love and respect and the deceased in mind, you will have carried out a valuable and honorable service.