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Words of Condolences - The Essentials for Choosing the Perfect Words of Condolences

 

Writing words of condolence in a card or letter is a heartfelt way to offer support to the family of the deceased. Finding the right words of condolence to write in a card or letter can be difficult. To make it a little easier, you'll find several examples of words of condolence that you can use as a guide to writing or expressing your own words of condolence for cards or letters. You can also find out the answers to frequently asked questions about writing a condolence letter below.

Other words of condolence resources you might find helpful:

1Sympathy Flowers - order flowers online for delivery to home, funeral home or hospital
2Sample Letter of Sympathy Condolence - samples for many situations and people.
3Condolence Phrases - what to say to the family of the deceased.
4Condolence Message - samples of condolence letters.
5Condolence Examples - meaningful letters of condolence examples.
6Free Condolence Letters - condolence letters you can copy.
7Sample Letter of Sympathy - words to offer your sympathy.
8Sympathy Sayings - short sayings that express sympathy.
9Messages of Sympathy - messages of sympathy cards and letters.
10Words of Comfort for Sympathy - Words to say that comfort people.
 

Words of Condolences

Words of condolences to write in a letter

 

Words of Condolences - The Essentials for Choosing the Perfect Words of Condolences

Words of condolences are simply comforting words shared with a person who has suffered the loss of a dear one; giving them hope, support, and letting them know that someone cares. Choosing the right words to say at such a time can be quite challenging, and is dependant on factors such as; how well you know the deceased, the type of relationship you have with them or shared with their loved one, their religious affiliation and culture, and many other factors. We provide some examples of condolence letters above that you can use to write your own further on in this article, but first let's take a look at some extremely important things to consider when writing words of condolences.

The Right and the Wrong Things to Say When Writing Words of Condolences

Writing words of condolences will yield rewards for both the person sending the letter and the one receiving it. The right words delivered in the right spirit can go a long way to helping someone to heal from the emotional suffering that death brings, while allowing the writer to share his or her love and concern with the bereaved. This is good therapy for both parties, especially if the right words of condolences are chosen. Sending a letter of condolence is one of the most loving things one person can do for another at such a time, but it must be kept in mind that emotions are running high, and so proper etiquette must be exercised in order to avoid unintentionally hurting someone's feelings.

The Right and the Wrong Things to Say When Writing Words of Condolences

It's very hard to know exactly what any particular individual may be going through during the grieving phase, but it's certain they will be experiencing a wide range of emotions. These emotions can range from guilt to extreme depression, and consequently one must be very careful to not mention anything that may upset the bereaved more than they already are. A good rule of thumb is to sit quietly for a moment and place yourself in the grieving person's position. What would you like said to you if you lost a loved one; what would you not want said? Because emotions may be so volatile at such a time, the words of condolences you send should be carefully considered. Here are some things you should not say in your letter:

  • Don't raise any issues that the deceased and the bereaved may have had between them
  • Don't minimize the loss of the deceased by using clichés such as; "he or she is better off now", or "time heals"
  • Don't mention any debts or monies owed to you by the deceased
  • Don't offer financial assistance
  • Don't offer advice as to how they should grieve, especially if you've no experience in the matter. In other words, never say "you should do this" or "you shouldn't do that"
  • Don't compare the loss of the bereaved with some problem you may be experiencing in your own life

Use the KISS principle

Keep It Sensitive and Simple- when writing words of condolences, and do say the following:

  • Say that you're sorry for their loss
  • Share a funny memory of the deceased
  • Mention their unique qualities
  • Say that you'll miss them also

You may also include an offer of support in your words of condolences, as long as it's not financial. If you'd like to cook a meal, help with the children or provide transport, by all means do so, but make sure you follow through on your offer.

How Long Should Words of Condolences Letters Be?

The only time you might want to consider a longer letter is if several weeks have passed since the deceased's death. There may have been mitigating factors that kept you from writing your words of condolences sooner, so make sure you let them know those reasons, while keeping your letter as concise as possible. If you wish you can schedule a phone call at a later date to catch up and further express your sympathies.

Are There other Ways to Express Words of Condolences?

The short answer to that question is yes, although however you decide to share your words of condolences, a short note written by hand should always be included. Alternative ways of expressing words of condolences are:

  • Sending a gift
  • Cooking a meal for the bereaved and their family
  • Helping them with chores - shopping, lawn mowing etc.
  • Assisting with the funeral arrangements

If you decide to show your support with a financial gift, wait until a few weeks after the funeral, and if possible send it anonymously. Though many people may require financial assistance at such a time, many will be too proud to accept it directly from a friend. Remember to include a handwritten note, as many people like to keep cards and letters containing words of condolences as keepsakes to remember their loved one.

How to Use Our Examples of Words of Condolences Letters

There are eight essential elements to a words of condolences letter. They are:

  1. Recognize the loss
  2. Mention the deceased by name
  3. Convey your sympathy
  4. Recount any special qualities of the deceased that you can recall
  5. Talk about your favourite memories of the deceased
  6. Point out the particular qualities and strengths of the bereaved
  7. Offer specific help
  8. Conclude your words of condolences letter with an encouraging hope or wish

An example of how to include these eight essential elements in a words of condolences letter is as follows:

Dear _____________,

1. Recognize the loss

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

2. Mention the deceased by name

_____________ was a wonderful person and will be sadly missed by all who knew him/her.

3. Convey your sympathy

I was heartbroken to hear the news, and I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

4. Recount any special qualities of the deceased that you can recall

I remember the gentle spirit and helpful nature of _____________, and will always remember him/her as an exceptionally special and giving person.

5. Talk about your favourite memories of the deceased

I particularly remember the time when we moved into the neighbourhood. _____________ came over and helped us lug our things into our new home, then brought us over a home cooked meal that night. It was a wonderful act of kindness which I'll never forget.

6. Point out the particular qualities and strengths of the bereaved

There is a great void to be filled by _____________ passing, but I know that the depth of love that you and your family share for each other and for _____________ will pull you through. Honor his/her memory with that love and the wonderful memories you share of him/her.

7. Offer specific help

I'd like to honour _____________'s memory myself by cooking you a meal on Thursday evening and I could bring some pictures that I have of that night when he/she helped us move in. There are some really great shots of _____________ teaching us how to Morris dance.

8. Conclude your words of condolences letter with an encouraging hope or wish

May God bless and comfort you and your family,

Your signature

This is merely an example, a template if you like, of what to write in a words of condolences letter. Use it as a guide, but insert your own thoughts and feelings into your letter. Speak from the heart keeping these eight essential elements in mind, and you can be sure that your words of condolences will comfort and caress your grieving loved ones.

Below you will find a collection of samples for particular circumstances and relationships. Use them in the same way; to glean an idea of what you can say, and then write your own words of condolences as they flow from your heart.

 
 
 
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