Words of Condolence Letter for Someone That Has Lost a Daughter

Dear Marie & Tom,

No one knows why bad things happen to those so innocent and whose life has hardly begun. For now it will have to remain the painful mystery that it is. Losses like this can make us challenge our faith; however, this is precisely the time when our faith needs to be its strongest.

I am praying that your faith will help you through this very difficult time. I pray that you will find the strength to get you through your grief and sadness.

In thinking about your loss, I would like to leave you with the oft quoted words of the poet Ellen Brenneman, “We can’t know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom in the warmth of sunlight’s kiss upon its face before it folds into its fragrance and bids the world good night to rest its beauty in a gentler place. But we can know that nothing that is loved is ever lost and no one who has touched a heart can really pass away because some beauty lingers on in each memory of which they’ve been a part.”

In Sincere Friendship,

Betty Herndon

1. Keep your letter short but thoughtful.
2. Feel free to share your fondest memories of the deceased with the family.
3. Take care to be particularly sensitive of others’ religious beliefs. Remember that everyone deserves sympathy, regardless of their beliefs.
4. Sign with your complete name (first and surname). This is good etiquette and will reduce any potential confusion regarding relatives or friends with the same first name as you.
5. As a general rule, it is best not to discuss any financial matters or offer financial help.
6. Offer to help in practical ways like delivering meals or helping out with chores.

Letters of sympathy and condolences are extremely personal. This is perhaps never truer than with the loss of a beloved daughter. Therefore, proper etiquette dictates that you should always first use the name of the person you are writing your letter to. While the specific nature of your relationship to the recipient will determine your exact phrasing, here are some sample suggestions for your greeting:

Dear ________,
My Dearest Friend _________,
Dearest __________,
Dear Mrs. __________,
Dear Mr. __________,
Dear __________ Family,

You may find it difficult to get started on your condolence letter for a daughter. Choosing the first words of your condolence letter can be challenging. Try to simply write from the heart. That way your letter will genuinely reflect your feelings of sympathy and provide the most comfort possible.

In our letter we began with:

No one knows why bad things happen to those so innocent and whose life has hardly begun. For now it will have to remain the painful mystery that it is.

Other appropriate opening sentiments include:

We are so sorry to hear the news about your daughter. You and (daughter’s name) are in our thoughts and prayers.

Words cannot express the how deeply sorry I am to hear about (daughter’s name). My deepest sympathy for your loss.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family. May your beautiful memories sustain and bring comfort to you during this difficult season.

My heart is filled with sadness. Please accept our deepest sympathies and know that my prayers are with you during this time.

May memories of (daughter’s name) sustain and strengthen you as you navigate the difficult days ahead. Please accept our condolences.

It is often a challenge to find the right words to express your sadness when writing words of condolence letters for a daughter. You may even fear saying the wrong thing. For example, you might be afraid to upset the parents by bringing up their daughter’s name. However, as our sample letter demonstrates, mentioning a fond memory of the deceased and calling them by name can actually provide a measure of comfort to the survivors. Here are some sample ideas to help you with your letter:

• Your _______ was a truly beautiful person. She had such a joyful spirit that touched everyone who knew her. We feel truly lucky to have been able to know her and will miss her dearly.
• I am saddened to hear of your loss of your beautiful daughter. _______ was always a complete joy to be around. We will never forget her sweet smile.
• I have such fond memories of your daughter in my classroom. She was always one of the first to raise her hand and wasn’t ever afraid to speak in front of the class. Even though I only knew her for a short while, I will greatly miss her wonderful spirit.
• I first met _______ when we rode the bus to school together. Both of us loved our drama classes, and she was one of the best singers in our school choir. She was truly a kind person and I will always consider her one of my best friends.
• Our family has always enjoyed the times we have spent with _______ and the rest of your family. Though recently we have only had opportunity to get together occasionally, those summers spent at the pool are some of our favorite memories. Please know that our prayers are with you.

Some appropriate ways to offer help are:

• We don’t want you to have to worry about cooking. We will drop off several meals that you can keep in the freezer and just use them as you need or want them.
• I have been attending a weekly support meeting ever since I lost ______. I'll call you with the details about the next meeting in case you would ever like to join me.
• I’d like to help out with some of your household chores. I have _____ and ______off from work, so I'll call you and arrange a time on whichever day suits you best.
• We would like to take ______’s siblings out to a movie or a trip to the park. We'll call you and arrange an outing at a time convenient to you.
• I'll call you in a couple of days so we can plan a visit.

We closed our sample letter with:

In thinking about your loss, I would like to leave you with the oft quoted words of the poet Ellen Brenneman, “We can’t know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom in the warmth of sunlight’s kiss upon its face before it folds into its fragrance and bids the world good night to rest its beauty in a gentler place.”

The closing statement of any condolence letter is important. It is final opportunity to offer sympathy and comfort. Other phrases that are appropriate to use in a words of condolence letter for a daughter include the following:

• I pray you will have the strength to face these challenging days.
• With the hope that it helps you to know we are thinking of you.
• With sincere and heartfelt sympathy.
• With all of our blessings, love and prayers.
• Know you are never alone.
• Know that you remain in our thoughts and prayers.
• With our deepest condolences.

You will want to check your letter for spelling mistakes if you are substituting your own words for any of our sample words of condolence letters for a daughter. Here are some of the most common spelling errors:

• Condolense
• Condolesens
• Simpathy
• Simpothy
• Simpothie
• Preyers

You may choose to send your condolences via text or email message rather than by letter, for a more immediate option. You can still include the same kind of sentiments as with a formal letter, but the format restrictions of a text or social media message means that it is appropriate to make your message shorter. Here are some sample ideas that you can use for your message.

I can’t even express how sorry I am for your loss. I will keep you and your entire family in my loving thoughts and prayers.

I was shocked to hear the sad news about ______. Words can’t express my feelings of sympathy; please know that you are in my prayers.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you have my condolences in this difficult time.

One of these short messages can be sent immediately to provide comfort and sympathy. You can then send a more traditional condolence letter at a later date as you feel it is appropriate.

If you want to send flowers or another type of condolence gift to the family of the deceased, you could find yourself at a loss for words when it comes to writing in the included card. The following are some ideas for notes that you can write in a condolence card for a daughter.

• May these flowers serve as a token of my sympathy for you.
• May this (type of gift) be a reminder of my thoughts and prayers for you.
• Please know that you are in our prayers.
• May these flowers show you just how much we care.
• Know that we are always here for you. You are not alone in this difficult time.
• We will continue to pray for you and keep you in our thoughts.
• Know that you are on my mind and in my heart in this time of tragedy.

“When our children die, we drop them into the unknown, shuddering with fear. We know that they go out from us, and we stand, and pity, and wonder.” Henry Ward Beecher

“Ye have lost a child -- nay, she is not lost to you, who is found to Christ; she is not sent away, but only sent before; like unto a star, which going out of our sight, doth not die and vanish, but shineth in another hemisphere.” Samuel Rutherford

“Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.” W.S. Merwin