Words of Condolence to Write in a Letter for a Distant Relative

Dear Peggy,

I saw your post on Facebook that one of your distant relatives passed away a few days ago. I was sorry to hear that news and I wanted to extend my sympathies to you.

You didn't mention how the person was related to you or if you knew them well. Regardless, I know it is never pleasant to lose a family member in any situation.

Please let me know how your relative's immediate family is doing. I hope that in time you will all be able to share happy memories of this relative as part of the healing process. Let me know if you need me to take care of your dog or plants if you plan to go visit the family.

I will call you soon to check in.

Louise

1. Keep your letter short but thoughtful
2. Respect religious beliefs. Everyone still deserves sympathy, regardless of their beliefs.
3. Sign with a full name (first and surname). This is good etiquette as there may be other relatives or friends with the same first name as you.
4. Do not offer financial help
5. Do offer to help in other ways such as offering to cook a nice meal for the surviving family members, or helping with chores

Letters of sympathy and condolences are personal, and so you should first use the name of the person you are writing to. The closeness of your relationship will dictate your exact phrasing, but here are some suggestions:

Dear ________,
My Dear Friend _________,
Dearest __________,
Dear Ms. __________,
Dear Mr. __________,

Choosing the right way to begin your letter can be a challenge. Just write from your heart so that the recipient will know that you are sincere in your sympathy.

In our letter we began with:

I saw your post on Facebook that one of your distant relatives passed away a few days ago. I was sorry to hear that news and I wanted to extend my sympathies to you.

Other appropriate openings include:

I heard from ________ that you lost a distant relative and I wanted to extend my condolences to you and the family. Please know that I am thinking of you.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's never easy to lose a family member.

I wanted to extend my condolences in the loss of your relative. I know you never knew _______ well, but it is still a sad time when you lose any family.

I'm sorry for the loss of your relative. Even though you two never met, it is never easy to lose a member of the family. It is a lost connection and I sympathize with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.

When writing words of condolence letters for a distant relative, it can be hard to know what to say in the particular situation. Keep it simple as we did in the example letter and be honest with what you know of the situation. Even though the relative is distant, you never know how close the relationship was or had been at one time. Here are some other examples:

• Even though your relative had only a distant family relation to you, I know that you two had been good friends, too. It is never easy to lose someone you care about.
• You never mentioned how you were related to this person. Are you close to the family? I hope you can provide a measure of comfort during this time. There is nothing like family to help you grieve even if you aren't close.
• Losing someone in your family is never easy even if you are only distantly related. Did you know them well? I hope the rest of the family is doing as well as they can be during this difficult time.
• Family is still family regardless of the label, and I want you to know that I sympathize with you. I too have lost family that I didn't know well, and it can be an awkward time.

Even if the person did not know the deceased well or at all, he or she may feel compelled to visit the family or provide some form of support during the time. You can offer assistance to the person if you feel that it is valid. Here are a few suggestions:

1. I know you will be traveling to see the family, and I want to offer to take care of your pets while you are gone.
2. I don't know if you will be traveling to be with the family, but let me know if you need me to water your plants if you are gone.

We closed our letter with:

I will call you soon to check in.

These final words offer support without being too emotional. Here are some other phrases that you can use to end words of condolence letters for a distant relative:

• I will call you in a few days.
• I will check in on you soon.
• Know that I will be thinking of you.
• Know that my thoughts are with you.
• With sincere sympathy.

Make sure you avoid common spelling errors if you are replacing our sample words of condolence letters for a distant relative with words of your own.

• Condolense
• Condolesens
• Simpathy
• Preyers
• Simpothy
• Simpothie

If you choose to send a text or email message rather than a letter of condolence for a distant relative, you can include much of the same information. It is appropriate to make it shorter than a traditional letter, especially for a text or social media message. Here are some examples that you can use.

I just heard about ______'s death. I know it is hard to lose a family member. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts.

I heard from ______ that you lost a distant relative. I want to extend my condolences to you and the family.

I just heard about the death of your distant relative. I want to offer my sincere sympathies.

You can send one of these messages to provide immediate comfort and then send a traditional letter at a later time if you feel it is appropriate.

If you are sending flowers or another gift to the bereaved, you may wonder what to put on a card to offer sympathy, especially if you are not sure of the relationship. Here are a few ideas that you can use for your own condolence cards for a distant relative:

• May these flowers serve as an expression of my sympathy for you and your family.
• Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers during this time.
• May these flowers show you how much we care.
• Know that you are in our thoughts.
• We are praying for you.

"We make a living by what we get: we make a life by what we give." Winston Churchill

"I have seen death too often to believe in death, It is not an ending, but a withdrawal." Unknown

"Say not in grief he is no more – but live in thankfulness that he was." Hebrew Proverb